Please stop your whining.
No, I mean it. Please stop complaining.
It's "Mindset Monday" and this is my personal mindset challenge for you today...actually two challenges, and I'm not pulling any punches. It's for your own good, trust me.
Here's a Fact:
We are, most all of us, complete naturals at complaining about the stuff in life we don't like, aren't we?
... bleh, the food's not cooked just right..
...that #@%* guy cut me off! What the heck?
...dang it, why am I not as ______ as everyone else
...argh, it's so cold/hot/humid/dry outside!
...why me?!?
...why NOT me?!?
...[insert your go-to complaint of choice here]
Yep, for some of us the whining and complaining come much more natural (i.e. constant), but the fact is we all do it, myself included. I have my own fair share of whiny pants moments. Be honest, you do too, right? Even if you argue that you are the happiest person in the world, you still complain sometimes, and probably a lot more often than you even realize.
But Here's the Problem:
Complaining not only ruins everybody else's day, it ruins the complainer's day, too. The more we complain, the unhappier we get... and the less joy we experience. It's just a fact.
Complainers also actively suck the life out of others around them. For example, I once had a friend who constantly griped about her health, her family, her relationships, school, and the list goes on. Every time I hung out with her I felt drained afterward.
It kind of stings to admit that, like it or not, sometimes I’m that complaining person draining others around me. (--sheepish grin--)
Also, since what you focus on expands, all that time and effort we spend complaining is actually working against us, by attracting more of whatever the heck it is that we’re complaining about into our lives.
“Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb
Oh, and consider this (I keep thinking of things!) -- Not only is complaining self-damaging, there's a pretty good case to make that it also apparently ticks God off.
Not even kidding.
I actively engage and love people of all faiths, but anyone who knows me knows I’m a Christian. If you're a person of similar faith, try reading Exodus and Numbers and consider how God dealt with Israel’s constant complaining.
Here's just a sampler from Numbers 11...
“One day the Israelites started complaining about their troubles. The Lord heard them and became so angry that he destroyed the outer edges of their camp with fire. When the people begged Moses to help, he prayed, and the fire went out. 3 They named the place "Burning," because in his anger the Lord had set their camp on fire.”
Yowza!
So why the heck do we do this to ourselves? It's like we're addicted to the "poor me" pill!
Well let's resolve right now, today to make a concerted effort to change things for the better. Here, if this resonates with you at all, then do these two things:
Challenge #1: Tim Ferris’ Complaint Deprogramming Experiment
Here, first I have a short side-reading assignment for you. It's a blog post by Tim Ferriss, author of the 4-Hour Workweek and other "4-hour" books. I LOVE this blog by the way.
In this post, ever-enigmatic Ferriss walks through a little anti-complaining experiment he's been doing on himself, with some pretty impressive results. I'm impressed enough to want to try it myself.
It’s an idea he got from a pastor – an exercise in proactive self-control by using a “thought-awareness bracelet” and a small set of self-imposed rules surrounding it.
Here, take a look, then come right back here (it should open up in a new tab in your browser): "Real Mind Control: The 21-Day No-Complaint Experiment"
(--waiting patiently for you to read and come back--)
Pretty fascinating, eh?
Ideal Outcome: If you read the post and decide to try this experiment out for yourself (along with me) then within a matter of days we should all be well on our way to breaking our complaining addictions.
You up for it?
Challenge #2: JP’s Gratitude Express
Getting to where you’re not complaining as much is a strong start for sure.
But actually experiencing more gratitude on a daily basis...well that's taking things to a whole "nother" level, right?
Gratitude is when you focus on what you have rather than what you don’t. And it’s one of the most powerfully shaping forces on the planet.
Let's give it a whirl, shall we?...
Do This: For the next 30 days, make a point to sit down for 5 minutes every single day and write one thank you note to someone. Put it on your to-do list if you have to, to make sure it happens.
And I'm not talking about thank you for that birthday present or shower gift or any of the 'normal' things people already expect thank you notes for.
I'm talking about hand-writing a daily, somewhat-random thank you to someone in your life for something they'd normally never expect to receive a thank you note for.
Like,
-
Thanks to your mom/dad-in-law, for raising such an awesome son/daughter that you got to marry...
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Or maybe thank you to the guy who fixes your car, for always giving you fair prices and great, friendly service...
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Or maybe thank you to the guy who sits next to you in class, for being a champ and letting you borrow his notes for the weekend...
-
Whatever...it could even just be a "thank you for being such an awesome person" type note to some special friend.
But the point is, you sitting down every single day without fail and writing one off-the-wall thank you note to someone.
Then put an actual stamp on it and stick it in the mail.
I've actually been doing this myself for over a year now, and I can testify first-hand that the results have been profound to say the last. I'm hooked and this is at the very tippy-top of my personal to-do list every day.
Ideal Outcome: Do it yourself, and I guarantee a few especially awesome things will happen...
First, you will automatically experience more gratitude simply by nature of the act of sitting down and intentionally thinking of things you're grateful for. And as you experience more gratitude, you'll complain less, and you'll literally feel happier and more satisfied with your life.
As you mine through your list of possible people you're grateful for, you'll literally be reprogramming yourself to complain less, and count your blessings more. This is because when you make gratitude not just something you feel, but something you do, then you literally start making more happiness inside you.
I'm not just pulling this out of thin air...it's actually been scientifically proven. Here's a great little video about it if you're not convinced. Feel free to check that out.
The second nifty thing this little daily thank-you note discipline will accomplish is a really cool little side-effect: You'll have a surprisingly big impact the people you send your little notes to.
I can't tell you how many times I've had people go out of their way to call me, email me or talk to me in person just to say "thank you" for the thank you note I sent them.
And I gotta say, it's kind of a weird experience at first to have someone "thank you" for saying "thank you" to them. :-) I mean, should I then say "thank you" back again? I don't know...it's kind of crazy.
But what I do know is this: When you send someone a thank you note for that little wedding gift or whatever, it's just kind of expected, isn't it? It's more of a cultural expectation than anything else, and the impact is minimal at best. Personally I usually just go "...huh..." when I get one of these, then toss it in the trash, mentally acknowledging that this person was mindful (or felt guilty) enough to send me the obligatory thank you note.
But this is different...
When you clearly go out of your way to thank someone for something they'd never typically expect a note for, you suddenly cause them to feel extremely appreciated and valued... and also to automatically feel gratitude for you in return.
I could tell you story after story after story about people who've gone out of their way to express return-gratitude to me after getting a random note. It's magical, I tell ya. You just gotta try it for yourself.
So that's it for now. this was a heckuva lot longer email than I expected it to be when I first sat down, so thanks for reading it. Frankly I'm sure there's a lot of typos in it, but I've got a lot left to do today so I'm not gonna proof read it. Hope you don't mind :-)
I hope you take a least one (ideally both) of my challenges today. You owe it to yourself!
And remember, as you waste your breath complaining about life, someone out there is breathing their last breath. Be thankful and stop complaining. Appreciate what you have.
Live more, complain less...
...jp moses
Try – Tim’s 21-day ‘Complaint Deprogramming’ challenge. I bet it’ll rock your world if you commit to it for the full 21 days.
Become – The type of person who gives life and energy into other people (with gratitude) rather than sucking it away from them (by complaining). It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. Be grateful that you have a glass and that there’s something in it! Be the change you want to see in the world.
Adopt – JP’s ‘Gratitude Express’ habit of writing and mailing one, simple thank you note every day to express simple gratitude to someone. It literally only takes 5 little minutes, and the simplest compliments often mean the most. Make someone’s day, while becoming more intentionally thankful.
Be – The change you want to see in the world. It starts with you.